Living Together vs. Going it Alone

The culture of the east and west is different in the obvious ways- food, dress, language, arts, etc. What is more interesting is the invisible ideology in the west and east that shapes the minds and lives of all in the culture-without most people being aware of it.

In chapter 3 “Living Together vs. Going it Alone” of Richard E. Nisbett's book Geography of Thought, the author outlines the basic differences between eastern and western ideology. Westerners are taught that individualism is good, individuals are in control of the choices they make, personal achievement is honored, people want to feel good about themselves, people want equality in relationships and that rules apply to everyone the same.

In contrast to this, the eastern ideology is to honor group goals and harmonious social relations over individual goals. Individual distinctiveness and equality is not desirable. Everyone knows their role and obligation and carries them out for the greater good. In Chinese there is no word for “individualism”, the closest word is the one for “selfishness”. The amount of western selfishness I have seen is stunning. Vandalism, rudeness, capitalism, healthcare, etc! I saw a Japanese movie once where a mother and child were on a train and the baby touched the window. The mother wipes off the fingerprints before they left. The thinking is that if there are things that a person does that annoy others or makes their lives more difficult, they should stop them so they can fit in.

The way these differences affect family and the structure of growing up is very interesting. Western babies sleep in their own rooms or beds to promote independence, while in the east babies commonly sleep in the same bed and they are always with their mothers growing up. In the article a survey is referred to where they asked eastern and western people how much they wanted to be with their mothers, and the easterners wanted “I want to be with my mother all the time” as a choice. This feeds into living with multiple generations of family in the same home, compared with the western way of each child having their own room, each family having their own house-even the elderly generation living alone in a house or nursing home.

The western adolescent is greatly affected by the notion of choice and freedom to live however they see fit. They are an individual and can be anything they want. The eastern adolescent has a much more limited sense of possibilities, but more security in the future. The parent praises the child’s every act of independence, the adolescent feels overwhelmed with choice, “Who am I? Do I want to be like my parents? How should I dress and act? What will I be?” The adolescent usually rebels against the parents and does the opposite to prove their independence. The parents don’t like this, but they know it is “good”. The pressure to be individual and different from the family base causes a lot of discord and can break families apart-geographically and emotionally. Usually the rebellion dust settles and the young man or woman becomes more like their family–and more like themselves-again. This process affects the whole structure of families in the west, but is not the same in the east. 

It is sad that each culture is so extreme, when a blend would be ideal. People would grow in a balanced way with choice and family structure. These ideologies affect the micro to the macro, and with the global culture can have very positive and negative implications.