Don't Touch the Fruit!

The way a culture eats and what they eat is very telling to what the culture values and fears. Visiting Spain, I was baffled by the treatment and handling of fruit and vegetables for sale. In America and other places, fruit and vegetables are sold in markets and grocery stores in open bins to be selected. In Spain, the fruit and vegetables are sold in ways that do not allow the customer to touch the fruit before they buy it.

One way the fruit and vegetables are sold is on a Styrofoam tray covered with plastic wrap. The items are organized in a set weight amount with the price and barcode on top. These are usually arranged along the open but refrigerated edges of the grocery store where we might usually see meat or dairy. This allows the customer to know exactly how much it will cost, but does not let the customer choose the exact items they want, feel the items for ripeness or choose not to buy Styrofoam and plastic when they just want some yummy natural food!

Another choice is to go to the fruit section where you will find a counter with all the fruit and vegetables behind it. You can ask a worker for what you want. If you ask for five tomatoes, the will ask you when you want to eat them, do you want to eat them all at the same time or over a week? They will choose the ones that are at the right stage of ripeness for your needs. This service has it’s benefits if the customer does not know how to tell if foods are ripe, but this way the customers still cannot choose their own things by their own senses. Spain’s determination to not allow people to touch the fruit and vegetables before they buy them must be a fear of germs. I wonder if this causes other heightened food-germ sensitivities or food issues.

Personally, I take great pleasure in being in the fruit and vegetable section of any grocery store. It is the closest I get to being on a farm in my daily life. Being surrounded by all the beautiful food, touching it’s skin, seeing the intricate designs of nature, smelling the sweet fresh scents is a weekly form of pure, simple pleasure. To choose to take away this connection with food is very disturbing to me. Fruits and vegetables are the food available that is sold closest to its harvested state. Deliberately denying people physical access to it breaks the connection between the person and that food. Being connected to the food we eat and where it comes from is essential to create sustainable health for our bodies and our planet. Taking food from its harvested state and sandwiching it between Styrofoam and plastic wrap opposes the foods natural energy and stifles it. Treating fruit and vegetables like a processed food makes them less attractive to buy and causes people to eat less of them. I guess the food that isn’t bought just dies a quiet death in the ready-made plastic coffins.

Designer Kids

There is a trend in Spain of parents dressing their children alike. They children may be 1, 5 , and 10 years old and all have some version of the same outfit on. In America, some parents dress twins alike, but I have never seen this way of dressing children before. It seems to be a way to show a family’s status, that they are wealthy enough to buy clothes that are matching,  and a way to show that they are a respectable, posh family. I have not been able to find any insights on this other than the families and clothes advertising I saw in Spain.

My friend told me to look out for this, as she has been baffled by it since she has moved to Spain, and lo and behold, we saw a prime example. It was a Saturday in Madrid in an expensive street of shops, and a family passed us-a mother pushing a baby in a stroller, her husband walking next to her, and their two mid-elementary aged children with them. The baby had a light blue plaid smocked outfit peeking out from under his blanket. The boy had the same blue plaid fabric as a shirt, and the girl had the same fabric as a dress. Very interesting! Later that day, I saw a family-a mother, father, daughter and son- crossing a street and was able to take a picture of their outfits. The boy and girl both had bright red pants and waist length jackets on.

I then saw a window display at a classy department store advertising the latest children’s fashions. The mannequins were shown with identical hair and clothes, or slightly different versions of the same outfits. This way of dressing children in obviously marketed to the parents and children with great effect. 

Children are physically an extension of their parents. Parents see their children as a reflection of themselves and the type of family they have. Some parents use their children as status symbols, to show off their wealth and perceived familial happiness. The trend I observed in Spain seemed to be a type of status symbol. It is a type of clothing that can be seen from far away, compared to clothes brand names and logos. The children become the parents logo for their wealthy lifestyle.

Career Husbands

The lifestyle guru’s Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart tell women how to live our lives better. They are both self-made businesswomen who use the media to communicate with women. They both have TV shows, magazines, books and merchandise. They both use themselves to represent a lifestyle they sell to us. Oprah and Martha are rich, powerful and successful women, and yet neither is married.

It would be unusual for a man in their place to be unmarried. Traditionally, behind every successful man is a there is a strong woman. The man needs the woman to be his own first lady-to run the household, to be hostess, to love him, to have his children, to be his biggest fan. What happens when the woman is successful, is there a powerful man behind her? Oprah has been said to be the most influential and powerful woman in the world. She has never been married, but has dated the same man since 1986. Martha Stewart got married when she was 20 and divorced in 1989 when her career took off. She dated the same man for 15 years until 2008. The man married another woman the same year. It is interesting that both of these women have or had a partner for such a long period of time while they were already successful and powerful, but for whatever reason, they did not marry.

Were the men unwilling to be the man behind the woman? Were the women unwilling to compromise? I can imagine that both Oprah and Martha spend most of their time on their various career pursuits, maybe they just couldn’t commit to another person when their careers are all about themselves. 

Celebrities should not have to expose their personal lives to the public, but these women that give advice to women as part of their career-and Oprah does give advice about relationships-should explain their personal relationships to their fans to open up this discussion. Oprah has said they are just not ready to get married. She does not say they do not want to get married. That makes it seem like they are waiting for something to change. With her talk show ending next year, I wonder if she will finally get married.  Martha Stewart’s love life seems more predictable and depressing. Her partner married a woman 30 years younger than him the same year they broke up. Ouch. Is she not interested in love anymore because she is too old? It is sad that she does not have a companion to get old with. It is enough to just have a career?

Double standards for men and women are apparent in these two women’s stories. Because they are both over 50, the public sees them as peers or mothers who are supposed to have all the answers. Realizing they are not married does not fit the image they create and sell of themselves. Unlike actresses who have flexible work schedules, these women have created career empires that require daily work. They have chosen their careers over marriage and families, but sell us the ideal that we can have it all.

A win for women or just a win?

    Kathryn Bigelow won an Oscar for Best Director this year. She is the first and only woman to win this prestigious award since the first Academy Awards in 1929. Four women have been nominated for the award over the years- Lina Wertmuller for Seven Beauties (1976), Jane Campion for The Piano (1993), Sofia Coppola for Lost in Translation (2003) and Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker (2009).  Much has been written about this as a triumph of feminism. Much has also been written about her film’s subject matter as a rejection of the feminine film tradition.

                    

The Hurt Locker is a film about the Iraq War. It follows a United States Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) team during the Iraq War.  The film shows the male soldiers diffusing bombs, dealing with the threat of insurgency and the tensions that arise between them. Male directors traditionally make the film genre of war and action movies. Bigelow makes films that look and feel as though a man made it. It makes people wonder if this is why she was allowed to win. A woman who made a male film can win, while woman who make films focused on female characters points of view have not won.

Looking at the other two more recent female directors nominated for Best Director, Campion and Coppola’s nominated films are more traditionally female. Campion’s The Piano is a drama about a mute woman and her daughter in the mid-19^th century. The film brings up issues of women’s self-expression, freedom and pleasure. Coppola’s Lost in Translation is a comedy-drama about a young woman who is bored with her life and befriends an older man. It brings up issues of loneliness, isolation, and culture shock. These films have a lead female character and the topics are about relationships. They could easily be denounced as ‘chick-flicks’.

Is Bigelow succeeding by adopting the ways of successful men? Or is she just a person making a film about something she is passionate about? It is sad that a woman cannot be successful without her gender being a major factor, while a man’s gender is rarely discussed. Bigelow steers any questions about her gender back to the film. She is a director, not a woman director. She wants to be respected for her work, not for being a feminist pioneer. She also does not want to be known for being James Cameron’s ex-wife. She wants to be known for herself.

The fact that a woman won this award is a step in the right direction. It is always inspirational to see women break barriers. The bottom line is that she made a film she wanted to make. She told a story she wanted to tell. A film’s subject matter should not determine the gender of the director. It is strange that women directors want to neutralize their gender. They want to just be directors, and most do not like to discuss the role their gender does or does not have in their work and career. By refusing to acknowledge the binary of male/female, they are rejecting the stigma of woman and appropriating themselves as genderless-which equals male.

Do you want to have it all?

The American and specifically New York City work/life culture cannot even be called a balance. It is blatantly unbalanced, and the media and visual culture feeds into this to make is seem desirable.

There are many images of ambitious, successful people, particularly women, who have it all. A meaningful job, a loving husband, a great sex life, adoring children, a beautiful home that is perfectly organized and tidy, great friends, great health, beautiful things to wear and have. These superwomen are everywhere in the media. Sarah Jessica-Parker, Heidi Klum, Michele Obama and Angelina Jolie come to mind.

Sometimes walking around the city, I think I glimpse one. A woman on her way to work at 7am wearing a professional and polished outfit, holding a luxurious handbag, with her hair casually looking perfect and just enough make up on, holding a Starbucks cup with an awake, serene look on her face. A woman walking around town on the weekend, wearing a cool ‘I just threw this on’ outfit including perfect boots, coat and bag and the perfect accessory-a man with his arm around her shoulder as they walk slowly and nuzzle. Laughing while they push a stroller with their adorable baby in it.

Everyone has problems, and I am sure if I asked the Superwoman I see if they did, they would say yes. That does not take away the envy and wishful thinking I assume when I see them. I take fantasy people and put them in these images of real people. This is why we all love to hear about a celebrity who has a drug problem, or gets dumped-we can feel better about not having it all. We all dream of our version of having it all, if we have a perfect apartment and job, we obsess over finding love. If we have love and a great apartment, we obsess over the perfect apartment. If you have all three, then it’s your body or wanting children. It’s always something. The more we try to get it all, reading lifestyle magazines and fantasizing about other peoples perfect lives, the less we will always have. 

WORK-life

Americans are known around the world as workaholics. New York City in particular is known for ambition driven people who rush constantly to get as many things done during a day as possible. Living here for the last four years, I am amazed at the amount of tired looking people I see rushing here and there to work, work, work!

The American culture of work varies greatly from city, state and job type. In general, people work from 9am-5pm, go home, eat dinner around 6 or 7 and go to bed by 10 or 11. Most white-collar workers are expected to work until the job is done, and the employer can save money by giving less people more work! This creates a competitive environment where working harder longer is the only way to complete your work satisfactorily. If you want to get promoted, let your family and friends know you will be MIA until you get it, and then probably once you get it too so you can do even more work!

The weekends are seen as the only time to go out and have fun with family and friends. Besides eating dinner out, people hardly go out during the week, except for college students and some 20-somethings who go out any night to have fun. Monday to Friday is reserved for work, Saturday and Sunday are set aside for life.

Most Americans have 2 weeks of vacations a year, while 1 in 4 do not have any. Also, many workers do not use their vacation time because they do not want their work to pile up while they are gone, or they worry about their job security because their workplace is not supportive of long vacations. People who go on vacations and continue to take work calls or work via email is common.

The American work/life unbalance is very damaging to the health of the community. Stress is a factor is every type of illness and the unhappiness this unbalance causes affects the person in every way. Why is this our culture? We have our close friends money and greed to thank.

work-life

How does the culture of a country influence the expectations of work/life balance? While in Spain I reflected on this with my American friend who lives in Spain. She told me how the locals balance work and life.

The division of work to family life seems balanced in Spain. The workday is spread out more, but includes breaks. In general, the workday starts at 10am and goes until around 2pm, there is a long lunch break, and then resumes around 4pm to end around 8.  Whereas Americans generally work from 9-5 and eat at their computers, or work longer hours and still eat at their computers. Spaniards eat dinner at 9-10pm and might stay out having drinks until late. Holidays are respected as a time to be with your family, not as another day to work. Also, every Spanish worker is entitled to 3 weeks vacation a year. I also found out that Europe has a law against workers having more than a 48hour week, unless the extra hours are paid as overtime or the person opts out.

 The culture of work is bred within each workplace and spreads to become the norm. In America, the norm of work/life balance is extremely skewed to the work side and people are pressured to feel they are weak if they cannot or do not want to work the prescribed amount.  In Spain, people are expected to balance their work reasonable hours, long lunches, dinners with family and friends and vacations.

The focus on balance may seem to some ambition driven people as lazy, but I see it as natural, healthy and badly needed in America.

Finding Wonderland

Lewis Carroll’s 1865 book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and its 1871 sequel Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There tell the adventures of a child named Alice who navigates a strange world called Wonderland, who is brave in the face of conflict and who always wakes up form the dream just before any real consequences or triumphs can happen.

Tim Burton and Disney’s Alice in Wonderland continues the classic children’s story in an unexpected way. Alice is now a 19 year-old woman on the way to her surprise engagement party. She is portrayed as a sickly-pale, sullen woman who detests the conventions of her wealthy family lifestyle. Her mother is horrified that she is not properly dressed when she sees she is without corset or stockings, and when she is dragged off to dance with her unattractive suitor, she does not play the role of a pleasant and accommodating woman, she stares at the sky while birds fly overhead and says she wonders what it would be like to fly. When he proposes, she is about to say yes because (as her sister told her), ‘he is a lord, she doesn’t want to be a burden on her mother and what else will she do?’ Luckily, the white rabbit leads her to the rabbit hole.

All of the Alice stories are based in illogical fantasy, and the sense that it is okay to do things differently than expected. In this film, Alice has a memory of having a reoccurring dream of being in a strange land and telling her father she thinks she has ‘gone round the bend’. He tells her ‘the best people are usually a little mad.’ She repeats this later in the film to the Mad Hatter as a way to tell him she like him just the way he is, and that he should not feel ashamed that he is different. This dare-to-be-different message mirrored on Alice, all the Underland characters and ultimately on the viewer.

Throughout the film, Alice is shown as brave. Unlike the earlier story, she does not cry so much in her giant form that she creates a flood and when she become tiny, is swept away by her own tears. At first her bravery is a result of her believing it is all a dream. When she realizes it is real and she can get hurt, she still decides to stand against the frightening dragon Jabberwocky as the Champion the White Queen needs to take away the evil Red Queen’s power. Young, delicate Alice puts on the armor destined for her and fights the dragon, and wins.

Alice is shown a normal young woman who has the imagination to do things differently. She is brave and becomes the heroine of Underland through her fast thinking and physical strength. She decides to go back to her home and proceeds to reject the marriage proposal (you’re not the man for me), tells her old pining aunt that no prince is coming and joins her late fathers business as partner and sets of alone on a boat to live her life the way she wants to.

Tim Burton and Disney send a powerful message to the children and adolescents who see this updated Alice in Wonderland. To get what you want in life- you don’t have to be a mean aggressive masculine woman like the Red Queen and you don’t have to be a sweet passive feminine woman like the White Queen-you just have to be brave and be yourself.

Brought to you by Delta

Delta says, “Your time in the air is a golden opportunity to catch up on Hollywood's latest.” But which of Hollywood’s latest are the chosen ones to practically force passengers to watch?

Delta chooses very specific films to play. They have to be popular, but not so popular that everyone has already seen them. They have to be interesting to all ages and generally engaging and perky to distract everyone from the woes of travel. And of course, they are edited to be family-friendly. What do you end up with? Romantic comedies. This is expected of an American company, as romantic comedies are light-hearted and funny. Generally, you get to watch attractive people go through the obstacles that keep them apart, to fall in love at the end. Who can resist the fun fluff of a silly happy story?

Altogether on both of my flights, they played Invention of Lying (smart and funny-I love you Jennifer Garner!), Love Happens (sappy Jennifer Anniston-fell asleep), Whip It (cool and sentimental), The Informant (for the guys), and Four Christmases (so bad you can’t stop watching!).

The one film that did not quite manage to squeeze itself into the perky romantic comedy box was Whip It. The movie is focused on the roller derby sub-culture of Texas. A teenage girl secretly becomes part of a very alternative group of women who do not at all conform to society’s depiction of ‘woman’. They play a physical contact sport and are very tough and fierce, they have to trip, jab and hit each other to win the roller race. Their style is semi-grunge semi-goth with thick black eyeliner, torn fishnets, short skirts and tattoos. The team’s name is the Hurl Scouts…anyone want to buy some cookies? So the girl joins the team and escapes becoming a beauty pageant queen. And yes, she fall in love with the lead singer in a cool, local band. They do artsy alternative date things like run around a field together and look at the stars. When he goes on tour for a month and ignores her-then comes crawling back-she say’s no.

Whip It’s slogan is ‘Be Your Own Hero’. It’s a grrrl power film that is approved by Delta for all ages. Perhaps it is the sugar director that makes the medicine go down, Drew Barrymore.

The Burden of Shadow Dreamer

My graduate class went to see Shadow Dreamer, a one-man performance. It was really storytelling, a man stood on stage and told his life story to the audience. After a few minutes, I really wanted to leave. 

If you think of all the top 'Horrible Things That Can Happen To People' categories, he had them all checked off. Beaten, molested, switched families, new caretaker is schizophrenic, find out you're adopted, become homeless, find your family, they don't want you, raped, depression, HIV-all told in his lyrical Welsh accent. At each turn of the story I could feel the room hoping for good news, and then more bad news was delivered. The positive in his story was his discovery of his life passion, acting, and the success he has had in acting. 

The unpleasant and disturbing content in itself is not why I wanted to leave; it was the context of performance. There is so much disturbing content in the world- my memories, other’s memories, newspaper stories, scary stories, homeless people on the train, the lives of some of the children I teach-that I do not want to take in more unless I really need to. I feel I have a limit and this stranger's story does not need to overflow it. It is the same reason why I will close my eyes during very visually disturbing images in a movie; I just don't want it inside me. 

He said his mission was to get people to talk to teach other about the bad things that have happened to them, not to keep it a secret. I respect that and understand from experience how keeping secrets can poison families and relationships. My issue is in his solution. I did not feel better after the show, I did not feel like had learned a valuable lesson or had a meaningful experience. I think this would be different if he was a loved one of mine, and I would be sharing his burden and making it lighter, out of love. I felt imposed on to lighten his burden without a choice and without an exchange of love or understanding. When artists make artwork about terrible, personal experiences it is almost impossible to critique the art. During the Q&A I noticed people just asked him about his story, not about the life story as a performance. It is hard to say, “I don’t like your performance,” when you feel so bad about what someone has had to go through.