All Ages Party

After the ceremony I got to experience another important aspect of the Bat Mitzvah tradition-the party afterwards. I was very curious to observe a celebration for a teenager, her friends and her family, and see how the party was created and adjusted to please the guests. In attendance were people of all ages- grandparents, parents, young adults, teens, kids, toddlers and babies- comprising of my cousin’s family, friends and her parents friends.

The space set up and decorations were as interesting as the social aspect. The reception was held in an adjoining room to the temple. The corridor entering the reception room was set up as a photo and scrapbook station. One side of the corridor, a computer was set up opened to the Photo Booth program. You could take your picture and it would print out on a small printer. Then you could take the photo to the other side of the corridor where a table was set up with scrapbook pages, scrap paper, scissors, glue stickers, stamps, and drawing materials. Each person or family was invited to make a page to go in a scrapbook to celebrate my cousin’s special day.

The reception room had very high ceilings with many picture windows showing the trees outside. The room set up was divided into an adult section and kid section with a dance floor in the middle. Both sides had tables, buffets and bars. The adult side had round tables with flower arrangements, while the kid section had long tables with large flowers sculptures made by my uncle with swimming noodles and umbrellas. The adult side’s buffet had salad, risotto, beef and fish. The kid’s side had a burger truck parked outside where they could get burgers and fries. Later there was a general dessert table. It was interesting that there was different food for the age groups. Either they could not figure out food that would please everyone, or wanted to keep the two sides distinctive. It was also interesting to see the macho men who went out to the burger truck instead of eating the adult food.

The DJ was playing mostly current pop music the teens would like. He also had games the teens and kids could play on the dance floor. I loved observing the dancing. The teens were great about getting out there, mostly in girl groups and boy groups, but some intermixing. Certain songs spurred great interaction, like Thriller and Love Shack.  Some songs got the adults to dance among the kids and teens too. It had a great energy.

The kids/teens seemed well rehearsed in how to behave at a party, most of them had been to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah almost every weekend that year. They were enjoying each other and having fun, while in the presence of their families. The whole party had a vibe of fun, confident and wholesome. I was struck by the simplicity of it all. Teens are at the age where they are aware of their growing interest in the opposite sex, in being independent of their parents for the first time. What better way to teach them how to interact with their peers in a social situation, than to attend a series of supervised parties where they can be guided? The Bat Mitzvah showed me a cultural tradition I felt I had missed out on, where  growing adolescence independence is guided, ensuring the teens behave with responsibility.

At Twelve:Portraits of Young Women

When I was 15, I took a photography class at my local Arts Council. There, I found a box with copies of Sally Mann’s At Twelve: Portraits of Young Women. I was drawn to the photographs instantly and took one home with me. This was my first experience with Sally Mann’s photography. She has been one of my favorite photographers ever since. Her black and white photographs are usually of her family and people in her hometown of Lexington, Virginia. I am attracted to her ability to show emotion through her images. Each image shows the soul of the subject.

Her collection At Twelve: Portraits of Young Women had a special connection for me as a teenage girl. I had never seen the subject of twelve-year old girls treated seriously by an artist before. As a budding young artist myself at the time, I was entranced. The images in the collection show a poetic, darker side to the almost-teenage girl. The mixture of childhood and womanhood is apparent in different ways in each photograph. Mann does not hide the reality of the twelve-year-old girls lives. Some are trying hard to be grown up, some have a child’s face in a young woman’s body, some nonchalantly exist in their world, and one has her own baby in her room of baby dolls. Each portrait shows a girl who is not afraid to look back at the viewer.

Ann Beattie writes in the introduction, "These girls still exist in an innocent world in which a pose is only a pose- what adults make of that pose may be the issue." Looking at these images, many of them make people feel uncomfortable. What gaze are we looking at these girls? Are we seeing them as children lost in an adult world? Do we see them as objects of beauty? Do we see them as being taken advantage of in their innocence? Our adult perceptions of the images Sally Mann shows us can quickly change their stories from gentle to violent. The way we look at these girls on the cusp of adolescence shows us how they will be looked at and treated in their lives. The photographs show them, naïve as they exist among their daily world, and we all know that innocence will soon be shattered.

At Twelve: Portraits of Women. Photographs by Sally Mann. Introduction by Ann Beattie. Aperture/New Images, New York, 1988. 

OMG BFF LOL

Charles White’s 2008 animated short films OMG BFF LOL investigate the American teen as image and idea. The title is in teen code created by texting abbreviations for oh my god, best friends forever and laugh out loud.  These abbreviations are actually verbally said now by teens as well. He uses the cliché stylization of valley girl teens; who say ‘like’ all the time and are focused on shopping, being pretty, and boys. The films show images of rich white teen girls, while together in public, and alone in their rooms.

The first animation, Mall, is the longest with three parts. It is the only part of OMG BFF LOL with dialogue. First the two teenage girls are in the mall and have a discussion about Having and Wanting. They discuss if the mall is heaven or hell. Tara, the more perfect and popular one, says, “The mall is heaven. It’s like a massive crystal palace of total happiness.” Her sidekick Blakey says, “At the mall is all the stuff you want, but like, can’t have right? That’s like totally being in hell right?" They can’t decide if it better to Have or to Want. They end up with Tara saying, “Life is about wanting to have and then getting and then having and then like, wanting more.” They go on to shop till they drop, and are relieved by a shared cookie and a smoothie. The girls’ interactions show they are only interested in shopping, hanging out together and having things they want to look cute. This is the cliché image that many young teens would watch and not think anything was strange or amiss about this film. Other teens may think the girls are stupid because of the way they talk.

The next part, Bedroom, shows Blakey alone in her room. She has a large room filled with expensive things. Her bed looks like a throne. She is channel surfing and then it bored and turns the TV off. She sits by her bed and eats chips. She looks in the mirror and sees herself as fat. She criticizes her face. She turns on the radio and stares at the posters of boys above her bed. She holds her teddy bear and stares at her phone, waiting. Bedroom shows an unseen image of a teen girl bored among all her things. She has nothing to do and goes from one ting to the next. The feeling is sad. She is without purpose. The last part, Bathroom, shows Tara crying in her bathroom. There is no explanation of why she is crying. You just watch her crying and slumping to the floor. Again, she is surrounded by wealth, yet not happy.

Charles White is making these films in the context of fine art. They have been exhibited in museums and galleries around the world, and been discussed in Art in America and Art Forum. Putting these cliché silly teen images in the fine art context, charges the images with art history and gender, sexuality and consumer politics. His uses the pop culture medium of cartoon, drawing the girls in the genre of Barbie or Bratz dolls. He is choosing to show and fight these stereotypes from within. I am curious why he is so interested in teen girl culture as a man. As a woman I connect personally with these films. I have been the girls shown, flitting around the mall, being bored in my room, crying when I am alone.

I watch these films and see a culture where young girls feel they must conform to the image of a pretty, silly girl who just wants to have fun. You want to be rich and popular because it’s better than being unpopular and lonely. Then you achieve popularity, and you are just as lonely as when you started, because you have changed yourself to fit an image. You are not being yourself, but you are scared to lose your status. It is all based in insecurity and fear.

My Teen Idols

I got my image of what being a teenager was like by watching Beverly Hills 90210. You live with your parents but your life is focused on a close group of friends. You go to school, and after school hang out with friends. You have crushes and boyfriends. You get in fights with your family, friends and boyfriends over important things you feel passionately about. You drive around town and find fun. You hang out at the local café where you are friends with the fatherly owner. You get your heart broken. You go through hard times. Your friends are always there for you. Your family is there with bowls of ice cream and heart to heart talks. You keep on, you grow, and you survive.

I used to watch Beverly Hills 90210 with my mom and sister every week. It was our way of watching teenagers and families deal with growing up. We never had lively deep discussions afterwards though. Watching a character get her heart broken and talking about our broken hearts was a different story. Somehow we could never use the many teen topics brought up on the show to speak of our own worries or experiences. Perhaps the show thoroughly discussed and hashed out how to deal with these tough situations so well we felt it was not necessary. Instead of my mom or older sister giving me advice from their experiences, we watched Brenda, Kelly, Donna, David, Brandon, Dylan and Steve go through their teens and twenties together. Now we can refer to ‘that time Dylan’s dad died and he became an alcoholic’ or ‘remember when Brenda’s best friend and her boyfriend fell in love and she said, “I hate you both! Never speak to me again!” when she found out.

In a media focused culture, characters in long running television shows become the story telling narrative that is passed down, retold through reruns for the next generation. Each character is a symbol, each episode a step, each season a journey, each series an epic tale. Watching Beverly Hills 90210 as I grew up, I grew up alongside the characters in the story. It may seem silly or pitiful to have a connection with a character, but it is how I felt and how I still feel. Virtual connections are a mirror to our human experiences. 

Teen Soap Opera

Beverly Hills 90210 was the first teen soap opera. It aired from 1990-2000. During that time, the show took the American teenage experience from a personal, somewhat hidden experience to cultural center stage. The premise of the show centers on a Minnesota family with boy and girl teenage twins who move to Beverly Hills. The show started in the genre of the after school movie. Each episode would show the teenage characters and their families dealing with serious issues and the end of the episode would resolve the problem. After the first season, the show became more focused on the characters close-knit friendships and romantic relationships, while still addressing serious issues. The actors and actresses became teen idols and had great influence over the teen culture of the time. The show influenced fashion, music, and most importantly, people’s values.

The show boldly addressed common teen issues such as divorce, sex, date rape, teenage pregnancy, abortion, eating disorders, alcohol and drugs, domestic violence, gay rights, AIDS, and death. Teen sexuality was frequently woven into the show, as it is in all teen’s lives. I still remember the first time I saw the episode when Kelly, the perfect popular blonde, tearfully reveals the story of her first very un-perfect sexual experience during a game of truth or dare. I remember when Donna tells her boyfriend David that she is a virgin and is not going to have sex until she is married, and I remember when Brenda decides she is ready to lose her virginity. While it was controversial that the show did not have all the girls be virgins, they did show different common choices and the pros and cons of each.

The shows dealing with the characters’ use of drugs and alcohol also affected me. Throughout the show’s run, almost every main character had a problem with drugs or alcohol. Dylan became an alcoholic after his Dad died, David became addicted to methamphetamines and lost his little sister while babysitting, Kelly’s loser boyfriend got her addicted to cocaine, and Donna’s prescription drug use caused her to be fired from her dream job. While the show did show some light alcohol and pot use without consequences, any heavy use of hard drugs resulted in horrible consequences.

Beverly Hills 90210 was a pioneering show that influenced a generation. The 1990’s were a time to break taboos and show human experiences for what they were, not what we idealize them to be. A way for me to watch fictional characters go through things I wanted to experience and things I never want to experience during high school, college and early twenties.

Teen Dream

I don’t remember turning thirteen. I am sure I was very aware that I was becoming a teenager, as being a teen is such a big deal in the United States. I lived before the age of the current day of the Tween, the idea that once you are 10, 11 and 12 you half-count as a teenager. I experienced going straight from child to teen.  It is one of those birthdays that mark a turning point, turning 5 (school aged), 10 (double-digits), 13 (teenager), 16 (drivers license), 18 (vote, R rated movies), 21 (alcohol), 25 (quarter of a century), 30 (oh my God I’m really an adult!), 40 (midlife?), 50 (my life is half over!), 60 (Am I old?), 70 (I think I might be old), 80 (I am definitely old!) and 90 (Wow, I am still alive) are all a Big Deal. The only thing I remember in hindsight is that I got my ears pierced because in my family we had to wait until we turned thirteen. Of course on all of the Big Deal birthdays, they feel even less exciting than a regular birthday because you do not feel different.

Turning 13 marks the day when you begin the process of leaving the nest. You look around and notice yourself, notice your family, notice the world in a newly critical way. As many changes are really happening, are changes happening because they are expected to happen. You are supposed to become more independent, different than your families norm, and start to hate or be embarrassed by your parents. Adults will half-jokingly say, “Now you’re a teenager…oh, no!” They want to cling to the child you still half are, yet encourage the adult you are becoming. Parents look at their baby and find it impossible to imagine it will become a teenager. How does a naked, helpless, happy baby who cries when you leave his or her side become a weirdly dressed, independent, sullen teenager who scowls when you are near? It seems the worst thing that could happen, the physical intimacy, the idealistic adoration, and the control-is gone.

When I was a child, I used to dream of becoming a teenager. I use to play make believe games that my cousin and I were teenagers, we would drive our cars (bikes) around the neighborhood and go hang out with our make believe boyfriends. We would talk about how our parents were driving us crazy and oh, let’s go to the mall. Growing up is all about understanding and taking control of the adult world, little by little. Once I was a teenager I felt free from childhood, but I also felt trapped. The world of Teen I wanted so badly didn’t happen until I was 15 or 16 and my friends and I could drive. In the meantime, everything had endless possibilities, but I couldn’t reach them. I would hang out in my room listening to my CD’s and look at Seventeen and Vogue and dream of the day I could be a real Teenager. 

Photo credit: Sally Mann, At Twelve Series (Juliet in the Chair) 1988

Becoming a Teenager

I recently had the pleasure of attending my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. It was interesting to observe a ceremony for a girl on the edge of childhood and womanhood; celebrating her entrance to that special in-between place we call Teenager.

I had never been to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah before. My family is mostly Christian, and the other Jewish relatives I have turned 13 when I was still a baby. I was very curious to finally get to see what they were all about. I compared the ceremony as a type of Sweet Sixteen party, plus religion. I was quite wrong. The Bar (for boys) or Bat (for girls) Mitzvah ceremony marks a young person’s public acceptance of the Jewish faith. It is more easily compared to the Catholic sacrament of Confirmation, where teenagers choose the religion for themselves.

I was not prepared for the experience of witnessing my cousin becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Entering the temple, I was instantly calmed and inspired by the architecture. The room had an altar, bordered by a half circle of curved pews. On the altar there was a large deep purple mosaic column-the Ark- that holds the Torah. All along the back and sidewalls there are large picture windows that show the surrounding pine trees.

The ceremony began and was led by a woman rabbi and another woman. My cousin stood with them and practically led the ceremony. They all wore a special piece of fabric around their shoulders and she resembled them. It was so inspiring to see a woman rabbi, as I grew up Catholic and only have seen men priests. She read the Torah in Hebrew, was blessed by four Aliyahs and then she read her interpretation of a bible story. Her thoughts were well written; reflecting her family and religion and showing the particular mix of child/teenager she had just become. She chose a charity to give a percentage of her gift money to. She was presented with gifts form her congregation, her Jewish elementary school friends, her middle school friends and her sister. The gifts were all thoughtful-a special cup to use at Passover, a partial scholarship to visit Israel etc.

The rabbi gave a personal talk about my cousin and how she was taking her first step into adulthood. She said this brings freedom, and with freedom comes responsibility. She said her family, congregation and friends were here to support her today, and would always be here to support her in everything she does, and help her when she makes mistakes.

Watching my cousin lead and be led as she became a Bat Mitzvah, I felt so proud of her and who she was becoming. I also felt saddened for myself, that I never had this type of experience when I so naively walked into adulthood. The experience of this ceremony was a new way for me to view the transition between childhood and adulthood. I saw a meaningful ceremony publically acknowledging the personal journey of a new teenager, by giving the teenager love, tradition and guidance.