I don’t remember turning thirteen. I am sure I was very aware that I was becoming a teenager, as being a teen is such a big deal in the United States. I lived before the age of the current day of the Tween, the idea that once you are 10, 11 and 12 you half-count as a teenager. I experienced going straight from child to teen. It is one of those birthdays that mark a turning point, turning 5 (school aged), 10 (double-digits), 13 (teenager), 16 (drivers license), 18 (vote, R rated movies), 21 (alcohol), 25 (quarter of a century), 30 (oh my God I’m really an adult!), 40 (midlife?), 50 (my life is half over!), 60 (Am I old?), 70 (I think I might be old), 80 (I am definitely old!) and 90 (Wow, I am still alive) are all a Big Deal. The only thing I remember in hindsight is that I got my ears pierced because in my family we had to wait until we turned thirteen. Of course on all of the Big Deal birthdays, they feel even less exciting than a regular birthday because you do not feel different.
Turning 13 marks the day when you begin the process of leaving the nest. You look around and notice yourself, notice your family, notice the world in a newly critical way. As many changes are really happening, are changes happening because they are expected to happen. You are supposed to become more independent, different than your families norm, and start to hate or be embarrassed by your parents. Adults will half-jokingly say, “Now you’re a teenager…oh, no!” They want to cling to the child you still half are, yet encourage the adult you are becoming. Parents look at their baby and find it impossible to imagine it will become a teenager. How does a naked, helpless, happy baby who cries when you leave his or her side become a weirdly dressed, independent, sullen teenager who scowls when you are near? It seems the worst thing that could happen, the physical intimacy, the idealistic adoration, and the control-is gone.
When I was a child, I used to dream of becoming a teenager. I use to play make believe games that my cousin and I were teenagers, we would drive our cars (bikes) around the neighborhood and go hang out with our make believe boyfriends. We would talk about how our parents were driving us crazy and oh, let’s go to the mall. Growing up is all about understanding and taking control of the adult world, little by little. Once I was a teenager I felt free from childhood, but I also felt trapped. The world of Teen I wanted so badly didn’t happen until I was 15 or 16 and my friends and I could drive. In the meantime, everything had endless possibilities, but I couldn’t reach them. I would hang out in my room listening to my CD’s and look at Seventeen and Vogue and dream of the day I could be a real Teenager.
Photo credit: Sally Mann, At Twelve Series (Juliet in the Chair) 1988
